The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

So much to say... So helpless....

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Thu, 13 Sep 2001 09:45:13 GMT

I can't seem to turn off the news... I cry, I think, I feel so helpless.... But yet I can't turn it off. As if my watching it all happen is somehow helping it. I wouldn't be surprised if the next entry in this journal is after a return trip from NYC. I can feel it pulling at my heart... calling me to help... Who knows what to do... this is tragic. So far from home yet so close. I knew no one that dies, but yet I feel like my whole family was killed. I can now see how temporary everything and everyone is. I can't be an eloquent writer right now. I can't write like a poet. I just need to write... so forgive me. I cannot sleep, It's so hard to think straight. It's all so surreal. Sometimes I wonder if it's proper that life still goes on, and the world doesn't just stop in it's tracks and take a look at itself... I want to scream, I have been crying, I want to run. What do you do?

"In the City of God there will be a great thunder, two brothers torn apart
by chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb.", "The
third big war will begin when the big city is burning." "on the 11th day of
the 9 month that...two metal birds would crash into two tall statues...in the
new city... and the world will end soon after"
- Nostradamus 1654'

Daydreaming...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Wed, 05 Sep 2001 01:09:16 GMT

I sat on the cold bench in the isolated cemetery somewhere around midnight. I knew not why I was there but something had called me out that night, and I took care to listen, and take heed. I was writing in my journal by moonlight when I heard a soft voice, almost a whisper, in the ears of my mind.... I never knew a voice like this... so deep, yet so soft... so commanding....

"Avalon.... I am here...."

He was there... beauty incarnate... staring at me... reaching out a hand...
I knew not who he was. This was odd because this town was so small. I thought I new everybody. But here this stranger stood before me, beauty enveloped in the soft light of the moon. I felt I knew him forever. I felt him touch my soul, with a simple glance...

He was tall, and strong. His hair was the color of the raven, his face, the color of the snow. His eyes were a bottomless well of passion and fire, the color of the midnight sky. I could not form words to communicate with him, but I did not need to... he knew my thoughts. This gorgeouse stranger, dressed in black, with eyes of midnight could read my thoughts....

TO BE CONTINUED

Unrequited love......

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Mon, 03 Sep 2001 22:16:10 GMT

Why is it so easy to love someone you can't have? Why is it so easy to miss someone so bad while they're sitting right next to you? I'm still trying to figure out the answers to these questions. But for whatever reason I haven't deciphered them yet.

Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and known that they touch your soul? And when they talk to you, they're touching your heart in a way you never thought possible, only they don't know they are? Have you ever wanted to make love to someone so bad you can almost feel what it would be like? What it would be like to feel their kiss, their touch, their body.... against yours.... and you look at them and wonder if they're feeling the same way, but you come to realize quickly that it's not possible. If only....

How do you love someone that doesn't want your love? This question I know the answer to... You love them quietly, in your own way, under the guise of friendship, if they allow you to be their friend... In my opinion, it's far better to love someone silently and have their friendship, than to love them out loud and not. I have posed so many questions here. Someone of which are just musings, some of which are not... I'll never tell which ones are which, or even if I'm telling the truth about them being musings or not... You may never know, but if you should feel the need to reply, and attempt to answers these questions, please do so....

I'm looking over at you
and you can't feel my stare
Your mind has only thought me
As the girl over there

You can talk to me in novels
and keep me by your side
but you only know my friendship
Not my feelings locked inside

I hear the song you sing
and wish those words you wrote for me
If only I could tell you
All the things you cannot see

I've never been so lonely
without someone before
I'm missing you like crazy and you're standing at my door
I'm standing right here next to you
and a million miles away
Cuz I know that I can't have you but I just can't walk away

Pain.....

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Mon, 03 Sep 2001 00:16:50 GMT

It comes in many forms... physical, emotional, mental.... right now I have a headache. It's a borderline migraine so it's quite annoying. Why do these headaches always seem to hit when I have the most stuff to do? Argh.

All I want to do at the moment is lay down and sleep. But I cannot. I have homework, laundry, housework, computer work to to do. I may just do the laundry thing because I can nap in between loads. And then tomorrow worry about the homework.

I am waiting for Chinese food to be delivered because all i have to eat in my hosue is mac n cheese and pb and j and I am sick of them both. This headache really needs to go. It's getting to the point where noises are magnified, and my eyes hurt. I suppose the computer isn't helping too much but then who cares. At least I don't have to concentrate too hard on what I'm doing.

I s'pose I had better go. This is getting too difficult. If you ever wanna know what I'm doing at any given time...

http://calendar.yahoo.com/ladyavalonvampyr

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

School.....

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Thu, 30 Aug 2001 17:58:57 GMT

I'm off to class again.... I only hope she keeps us longer than the last time. If I go all the way up there to the college for a 15 minute class again, I will be very upset. So it goes... we shall see....

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

And she swears there's nothing wrong...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Thu, 30 Aug 2001 01:40:23 GMT

I have had what has been probably the most horrible day ever... But so it goes. One thing after another, small things, menial things, things that drive you crazy... it all went wrong. But I won't say more about it. I care not to relive it. Tonight I wish for someone to crawl into bed with, someone to hold me while I sleep, keeping vigil through the night so that he knows when I move, breathe, stir, when my heart beats.

And in the gentle mists of sleep, begins to make love to me, kissing every inch of my body. Beginning with the mouth, and slowly passing down over my chest and belly... and slowly to my femininity, where he pauses to take time to send me into the throws of ecstasy. *sigh* And then, positioning himself over me, burying himself inside me with a hot kiss, and a thrust of deep intense passion. He makes love to me with passion and care. And when my whole being has succumbed to his essence, to the sensations reeling through me, he sinks his teeth slowly into my neck, causing intense pleasure in the form of an orgasm.... Hot and wet... sharing all parts of my life with him. Giving over my soul...

And the rest may never be known... for it was then, that I awoke from the dream....

Until later...

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

First week of HELL...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Mon, 27 Aug 2001 11:54:22 GMT

OK, so not quite... :) But it is my first week back to school. No classes today, but Tomorrow, it's back to the grind... Now, I have to work starting at 9 thirty AM on monday and wednesday. Oh joy. But hey, i's only for about 13 weeks... I think I'll make it :) Until later...

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

Off to work....

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Sat, 25 Aug 2001 09:43:04 GMT

Well, it's 5:40 AM and I am off to work for the day. Well, til noon anyway. :) I'm suprisingly awake considering I didn't get as much sleep as I had hoped. Oh well. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, right? I will write more later...

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

Exhaustion.....

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Sat, 25 Aug 2001 00:48:34 GMT

I do not know why, but I am thoroughly exhausted... I think I shall retire early for tonight... I hope tomorrow is a more productive day...

--The Lady Avalon

And so I have slept away the loneliness... at least for now....

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Fri, 24 Aug 2001 12:34:14 GMT

I am awake again, and I feel somewhat better. I no longer have that isolated feeling inside. But I am sure as the day passes it will return. If only I could make it go away... Until later...

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

It's 4:30 AM I must be lonely...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Fri, 24 Aug 2001 08:44:38 GMT

It's 4 thirty AM and I have awakened with this undeniable, overwhelming desire to be held close and fall back to sleep next to someone I care about. *sigh* But there is no one. Bo one to hold me, no one for me to hold. Why does the touch of another human mean so much? Why is the desire to make physical contact with a man so strong sometimes? I wish for nothing more that to be held, kissed, caressed. I do not wish to make love, unless his touch should arouse that desire. I just wish to feel loved. Does that make me weak? I should hope not....

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

And the sun has risen...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Thu, 23 Aug 2001 12:52:11 GMT

And I am awake, preparing to go get ready for work. I do not have much else to write....

--The Lady Avalon

Aye, but sleep seems so far in the distance of this night...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Thu, 23 Aug 2001 03:54:51 GMT

My eyes were heavy with the kiss of the night, when alas my mind refused to rest, seeking activity. I wish to sleep but my soul will not let me at this moment. Why, I do not know. Perhaps something awaits me this night that will not be felt should I allow myself to succumb to the beckoning of slumber. My body yearns for the night, but my senses remain disenchanted with the idea of being muffled for the rest of the evening.

I have just enjoyed the pleasure of a conversation with a gentleman. I very much enjoy conversation. Hearing others' thoughts and ideas. It's amazing how words can tell so much. One thing to keep in mind, however, is the immense proverbs that can be withheld in a moment of silence shorter than the space between heartbeats. Alas... slumber beckons my body. My soul may have to wait it out, and simply give in to the calls... Until morning light...

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

The sun has fallen....

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Thu, 23 Aug 2001 00:31:16 GMT

And the moon rises to greet me... The stars twinkle in my presence... I do so love the night... I have returned from work, feeling an extremely sensual person... I shed my garments and needed the immediacy of the warm waters of a shower caressing my skin. Now, satiated from my desire to feel a caress, I have taken a seat in preparation for creation. I bid you all farewell until the morrow, perhaps...

Be who you truly are,
The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

Sigh It is morning again....

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Wed, 22 Aug 2001 13:30:47 GMT

And now I must go on to my place of employment. So be it. I will right more later....

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

Back home again

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Wed, 22 Aug 2001 01:27:59 GMT

And so I have arrived back home for the evening... four new books in hand to read and enjoy over the coming weeks. I had a wonderful dinner, as well. So now I am feeling a bit creative so methinks I shall do some work on my book... Which I hope you all intend to buy someday when I am published. After that I will surely go to bed, so good night all.

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

And so here I am...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Tue, 21 Aug 2001 22:01:26 GMT

Back home now, for a brief time, awaiting my friend who I am going to hang out with this evening... I just got home about 15 minutes ago from a lovely afternoon. ;) I choose not to go into any further detail... :P Anyway... who knows what the evening holds... probably just some dinner and hanging out at the mall or whatever. I could really use a beer right about now.... Well, until later...

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

And so it goes....

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Tue, 21 Aug 2001 16:12:46 GMT

I have decided, I believe to say to hell with my staff meeting today. I am at the beyond-giving-a-damn point right now... I simply intend to go about my business as usual... Who knows, maybe I'll even write a litle more up here later... ;) Until then...

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

The beginnings of another daytime...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Tue, 21 Aug 2001 14:29:11 GMT

And so here I am, awaiting the length of today. And not looking forward to it. I have a hundred things to do on my last day off before school starts back up next week. One more year of this incorrigable Bachelors Degree. And so it goes... So today may have a lack of any good entries because I will be off on other tasks. I hope your day is more relaxing than mine... until later....

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

Sleep is optional...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Tue, 21 Aug 2001 00:52:55 GMT

And so I had intended to fall asleep much earlier in the hopes that I could be up in a few hours and stay awake the whole night... But my efforts at peaceful slumber were fruitless. So here I am, at the computer, hoping that this next attempt to be taken into the netherworld of dreams will be more successful than the last. If all goes well, I will return at a much later time tonight... Until then...

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon

Evening cannot come too soon...

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Mon, 20 Aug 2001 22:34:34 GMT

I love the night time. I love the stars, and the dark, and the quiet. I love the mystery and adventure beheld in the night. I cannot wait until the days are shorter, and the nights longer. In a month or so it will be getting dark at this time. *sigh* If only it was now. I suppose I will manage until then. Right now I am alone, wishing I had someone to make love to. I guess I can't have everything. It's a shame that this is a time when I want to be made love to so badly, and yet there is no one to make love to... So be it. Whatever is meant to be, will be. And I have no problems with that. Everything has worked out fine so far... I guess I will be leaving for now...

I have almost completely finished updated my web page. So please, feel free to go there. Slumber now calls my name....

--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr

The Origin of Avalon

ladyavalonvampyr@yahoo.com — Mon, 20 Aug 2001 17:35:38 GMT

So here I am, entering the first of many entries into this live journal. I thought this interesting as I enjoy sharing my thoughts with others. I hope you enjoy reading them. I'm here today, on my day off from work, trying to convince myself to do something other than sit around at this computer. But alas, here I am. Which should prove that I have not yet convinced myself. I have been thinking a lot today about many different things, mainly my life as it stands. I have created an alter ego for myself, and I am starting to wonder which one is really my alter ego. The Lady Avalon or my other identity, which shall remain un-revealed for the time being. I'm slowly beginning to think that My new creation may be more of who I am, but was afraid to express it until now. So be it. Regardless, I know both of these namesakes are a part of me. And that's what makes it so interesting. I am so multi-faceted, it's hard for me to keep track of myself sometimes. But I guess that's what makes me the mystery I like to be. So for now, I will continue on as I am, and see what the future holds. And hope it holds more of the answers than those that I already have... Until then...

Be who you truly are,
--The Lady Avalon Amaya Vampyr